Sometimes the signs that your marriage is crumbling, unexpected and invisible. To save your marriage, you should consult a professional psychologist.
Here are 8 of these signs:
1. You talk but do not communicate.
Your communication doesn’t have to be sensible 24 hours a day. But one of the signs of impending divorce is when you and your spouse only discuss buying or weather.
“When talking to each other seem superficial, it’s a bad sign, says therapist Marnie Feuerman. – If you carry in your feelings, in marriage there is the alienation and distance”.
As a result, you experience less love and warmth towards her partner. And the same thing – if one of you says all the time, and the second only listens.
“Remember: good communication is not only speak on his behalf, says expert on relations Francesca Di Mello. – It is also the ability to listen and hear your spouse.”
2. You can not agree to have your children.
Perhaps you discussed children before they married, but over time, feelings change. You may fear that children will hinder your career, or your spouse wants to back out because of infertility problems.
Di Mello advises to put yourself in the other person. Think about why he or she does not want children and how they motivate their decision.
Trying to convince wife – also a bad idea. Unfair to convince a person that he needs, or do not want children, says the family konsultantka Leslie Doors:
“Being a parent is difficult, even when both want it. And persuasion will only cause the person dislike you.”
3. You spend less time together.
Nobody says that you must spend every second together. But you should want to spend your free time with your partner and communicate with him or her should bring you pleasure (most of the time).
Perfectly normal to go headlong into a favorite show, lost in the Internet, read a book, stay at work or chat with friends in the husband’s absence. But if all this serves as a way for you to escape from the problems in the relationship and you feel relieved when you are left without a spouse, it is a sign of imminent divorce.
“Regular time together and fun together – necessary conditions of a successful marriage,” says Dors.
4. You make no effort to improve your marriage.
Both husband and wife should make an equal effort to maintaining the relationship. One can not handle.
“If you are too lazy to work on your marriage, solve the problems that are destroying your relationship, it is necessary to understand why, says Di Mello. – Often a lack of motivation is a sign that something is lost. This does not mean that it did not return, but you have to consciously think about the reason for his frustration and loss of interest.”
5. You ceased to respect each other.
According to Dors, it all starts with innocent complaints of the type “You didn’t wash the dishes”. Then complaints turn into a more General criticism: “You never help me around the house”. The next level is a personal attack: “You are a lazy and sloppy selfish”.
“This is not happening in one fell swoop, but gradually destroys the Foundation of marriage,” says Dors.
If you constantly criticize and humiliate each other, this is one of the surest signs of the imminent divorce.
“If you don’t respect the person, you will find it hard to feel sympathy for him, not to mention love,” says Di Mello.
She advises to think about what words or actions caused you to lose respect for a spouse.
“Both spouses should make efforts to regain lost respect, to change the unwanted behavior and re-find a common language, says Di Mello. – If this is not possible or it’s too late, the marriage is doomed.”
6. Partner is cheating on you regularly.
Some couples manage to maintain and even to strengthen your marriage after infidelity of one of them.
“A couple can survive a single treason,” says Dors.
However, a serial cheater, regularly exciting novels on the side, is generally incorrigible.
“The only way to cope with betrayal, whether emotional or physical, is to regain lost trust, never changing, says Di Mello. – If the behaviour is repeated, the confidence will not recover”.
Some people just don’t tolerate monogamy and don’t see myself married. Doors recalls that in no case do not blame yourself.
“It’s not you, and refuse your partner from full participation in marriage,” she says.
7. You have no intimate life.
We are not saying that you have to lash out at each other like young lovers during the honeymoon, but the lack of intimacy is one of the signs of divorce.
“Close feelings for a spouse can strengthen and weaken according to different reasons, says divorce expert Cathy Meyer. – There is nothing unusual, if in marriage there are times when you don’t want your wife”.
During the illness or after the birth, the intimacy in a natural way reduced. And with age, many people do not require constant physical contact.
“But if you don’t share anything intimate and it become common, ask yourself why, says Di Mello. – And if one of you wants sex and the other doesn’t, the problem is even more serious.”
The lack of physical contact means that you Platonic.
“Couples stop being lovers and become roommates or business partners, says Dors. But most of us come into marriage not for the sake of it!”
8. You repeatedly argue about the same thing.
Constant bickering about the same thing – a common feature of many marriages, says Feuerman.
“This can lead to divorce, if you will allow disputes to escalate into quarrels that will use illegal methods to abandon the dialogue or throwing around accusations,” she says.
It is best to compromise, to put an end to constant fights and differences.
“In my experience, couples get into an endless loop old differences when I lose interest to each other and saving the relationship,” says Meyer.
Have you noticed these symptoms in people whose marriage has broken up?