How to learn to control yourself, do not act against their own will and not lose relatives and friends.
…From a psychologist Galina returned as on wings. She’s already decided that he was sick at some unknown, but probably severe disease. The last time she lived automatically – woke up, ate something, and ran to work. Sometimes even went somewhere, though.
Well how to refuse, if your name is on a birthday or have to go to my aunt, which she really dislikes. But there twice a year going to all relatives, and the mother said she won’t go without her. The psychologist denied the existence of the disease, but found the woman common neurosis as a consequence of constant fatigue and apathy. And to get rid of it, offered to “just simply” don’t do anything you don’t want to. At least for one day.
The task was not easy – Galina didn’t want almost anything that she usually did during the day. The worst thing is that she lived for several years. The next evening the young woman was already estimated losses from its own arbitrariness.
Our thoughts is a major factor in mood
So, she told the editor I would not write an article about the merits of a local businessman, because she has a headache. But actually, he thought it dishonorable and dishonest. He looked expressive, but to insist he did not. Refused to the relatives from out of town, spend the night with her, causing a fight with my mom.
Didn’t answer, when many times called a friend. Already and came to her, and heard in reply that nothing had happened, just didn’t have time to talk, the door slammed. Then Galina learned that the money she borrowed from another friend.
Exercise vs neurosis
Then he said “no” to her boyfriend for another offer to come in the evening to her. These are convenient for partner relationship without a future have already been burdensome for women. And she was afraid that if I said no, the guy stopped calling.
There were a few small “exercises” against neurosis – not replaced not so old, as an impudent woman, went with a neighbor for company in the evening to run. Even English is not taught, because it is simply not wanted. And instead of useful salad ate the big cake. Then ate a salad. Everything seems to be done right, and instead of relief Galina felt confusion and uncertainty.
And most importantly did not feel a cute, nice, caring, and some ungrateful selfish. So that’s what in his childhood had often warned her mother. Now the mother through her bad favorite, of course, no longer calls, and in the eyes of the chief, she permanently lost her title failsafe worker.
When I shared these concerns with the psychologist, on the contrary praised and advised to be more determined. The chief had to say, what not to write about the guy because he thinks him a scoundrel, mother to relatives engaged in itself. Friend – I didn’t want to talk to her. And the partner, instead of to invent something, offer to call when you decide to marry her.
Well in words but in life?
Many believe such advice theoretical and incompatible with real life. I often hear that in order to do what you want, only those who have no family, there is a lot of money and they don’t depend on anyone.
However, each of us can remember at least one person in a private environment that is neither very rich nor deprived of loved ones. And is still independent, has his own opinion, not afraid to go against if something goes against her principles. These people are called charismatic or awkward. Their not all love, but most respects, their thoughts taken into account. And a little jealous of their independence. And the ability to be yourself.
It is important to do what you want, not the things you expect
Mean the need to stop to fulfill someone else will if you don’t need it. Out of fear of condemnation, loneliness, misunderstanding. For example, if trying to please her future husband, VDS of itself, goddess of sex and a good hostess, and then have to play that role, until you get bored.
When will family rebellion, abandoned husband will not understand when and what went wrong.
And now everything in the garden!
One famous writer told me that in 12 years decided to become soul of the company, but actually was an introvert and didn’t want to talk to anyone. And still wanted to have friends. So she persuaded her parents to prepare a holiday table and leave the house, invited classmates. When in an hour they tired of her, just opened the door and told everyone to get out.
To do so, as she, or opposite – by the escape from some boring companies like many times, almost each of us adults. But to do so it was probably one. For above us, in contrast to children who already dominate the social norms imposed roles, fears and anxieties. As a consequence, many people do not live their lives, only saying “was”, “not destined”, as if someone outside.
So don’t do what don’t want – the number one task on the path to him. How to proceed exactly – at least as Galina. Which by the way, was not fired, but was not instructed to write any more custom-made articles. A friend never lend money and never called, so it became clear that this friend was not.
Sometimes for happiness we need to let go
That guy got married with Galina. But because it repositioned all already didn’t want. However, she is happily married with another, which can be itself. And most importantly – Galina stopped feeling guilty when she did something that someone didn’t like, ashamed of their own desires or thoughts. Even her expression changed to confident and calm.
And mom, realizing that her daughter has become totally selfish, without sadness. Went to yoga, in a circle of florists enrolled in the University of the third age. Now the meeting with her daughter, she is planning in two weeks. It is recognized that all life lived for someone, so now is the time to think about myself.
Author: Elena Savinova, psychologist